laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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