I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize