remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
