i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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