Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
