The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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