Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
