did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we're making bets on your personal life
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
