so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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