Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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