it was like eating out sand paper
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need water and some morals
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
