I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
