i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
