He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
