Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
