I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
