Swine flu. Run for my life!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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