Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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