I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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