Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
