There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
