She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
