Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
