i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
