i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
