Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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