YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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