I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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