she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
