I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize