i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Shame - the story of my life.
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