You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize