i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
