It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
