Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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