I was born with a shot glass in my hand
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
