All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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