if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I touched a dick in church today
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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