We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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