You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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