For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
