and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
