I like to think it a success when the cops are called
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
