I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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