I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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