Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
