your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
