it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
