okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You dont lie about slip and slides
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
