batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
