It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
