Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
