dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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