Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We named our party play list daddy issues
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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