You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
