at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
