you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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