I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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