my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize