Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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