I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
