Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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