Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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