I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
