i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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