I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
