Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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